Learning To Forgive

I was brought up Catholic and though no longer practising, I still recall kneeling in the confession box saying ‘Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,’ to the shadowy silhouette of a priest behind the screen.

We have all felt wronged by someone at various points in our lives, sometimes knowingly, other times less so. 

Whether it’s someone jumping the queue in front of you, not receiving an invite for a gathering everyone else seems to have gone to, or having your words or actions misconstrued.  It’s not an exhaustive list, though as we know these things can really impact your day, week or have much longer-lasting effects.

The challenge is how you choose to react to those things that are often outside your control. I do believe that self compassion is essential.  The ability to forgive yourself first for reacting in a way that you know doesn’t change the situation or make you feel any better at the end of the day.

For me, taking even a small pause to reflect helps me to gain some perspective and consider where the other person might be coming from, whatever that looks like. 

Okay, I will admit to wishing the person who recently nicked the parking space I was about to manoeuvre into, whilst they pointedly ignored my look of disbelief, would subsequently experience just a small dose of bad karma. But in that moment, pausing and taking a deep breath felt a lot more constructive to me.

It doesn’t mean you don’t have the difficult conversation when it’s needed or allow someone to ride roughshod over your personal boundaries, but pausing can be helpful and gives you back control. 

It also allows us to appreciate that we’re all imperfect, and mostly decent human beings, trying to get through life in the best way we know how.